


Bigger Is Not Always Better

by iaminarage



Category: Glee
Genre: Costumes, Dick Jokes, Fluff, Halloween, M/M, Texts From Last Night, somehow this doesn't have any porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 02:38:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iaminarage/pseuds/iaminarage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"(412): I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar. Do you think you could meet me there at like 6:30?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bigger Is Not Always Better

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this fic is canon-compliant except that Kurt and Blaine never got back together. This takes place on Halloween of 2014. The Texts from last night image idea comes from textsfrommckinley as well as many other blogs that do this. I didn’t make it up.
> 
> Thanks as always to my wonderful beta, loveinisolation.

 

Kurt was examining his Halloween costume to make sure that everything was exactly right when his phone beeped. He pulled a pin that he’d missed out of the hem on his pants before he reached into his pocket for the phone.

**From Sebastian:  
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar. Do you think you could meet me there at like 6:30?**

It was moments like these when Kurt seriously questioned his judgment when it came to becoming friends with Sebastian again. Sure, he’d apologized to Kurt, and he was generally less of a total asshole, but he still wasn’t all that much like a reasonable human being. And still, somehow, Kurt actually _liked_ him. Kurt should probably worry about his own sanity.

**To Sebastian:  
I’m sorry. Your what?**

**From Sebastian:  
My costume, Kurt. **Do you need me to say it slowly and use small words?****   


**To Sebastian:  
I hate you. **

**To Sebastian:  
I’ll be there.**

Excellent. Kurt had officially agreed to spend Halloween with someone who genuinely believed that a _giant penis_ was an appropriate costume. He had feelings for a guy who would dress up as a giant penis. Kurt wasn’t sure if he should be more worried that Sebastian had found a place to purchase this costume or that he had made it himself.

**To Rachel:  
In the future, I’m demanding veto power over costumes for everyone I agree to spend Halloween with. **

**From Rachel:  
I told you to just go with Santana!**

**To Rachel:  
I doubt that would have been any better.**

Santana and Dani were going to a party with some of Dani’s friends and Kurt had felt like he would be a third wheel if he went with them. They hadn’t actually told Kurt what they were going as for Halloween, but Kurt had a feeling it wouldn’t be any less embarrassing than Sebastian’s costume. Hell, he wouldn’t be that surprised if Santana was wearing an inflatable penis costume herself.

**From Rachel:  
I’m really sorry I can’t go out with you guys this year!**

**To Rachel:  
Yeah right. You’re thrilled. You’re probably going to sit around reminding yourself that all of us have to go out and party while you get to star in a Tony winning Broadway revival. **

**From Rachel:  
You know me too well.**

Kurt laughed and then went back to his examination of his costume. He would have to start getting ready soon if he wanted to be on time to meet Sebastian. They were going to grab dinner with some friends first, which was probably why Sebastian had needed to drop his costume off at the bar.

Kurt was pretty proud of his work. The costume was a perfect replica of the outfit from the movie, and even if very few other people got it he would know it was exactly right. Knowing that he looked fabulous would definitely take the sting out of watching Sebastian hit on anything that moved while dressed as a giant penis.

* * *

The evening actually hadn’t gone that badly, all things considered. Quite a few people had known who he was dressed as, which he probably should have expected considering how many aspiring actors he hung out with.

It was after two in the morning, and they were at their last bar of the night. Kurt was talking to Harrison, one of his NYADA friends, and drinking a glass of water. He wasn’t particularly drunk at that point. He’d been more than a little tipsy earlier in the night but had slowed down once he started to feel like it was too much, and he was nearly sober again.

Sebastian, on the other hand, was incredibly inebriated. Kurt looked up as Sebastian dropped into the seat next to him at the table and said, “I’m drunk. You should take me home!”

Harrison looked at Sebastian and laughed. “I think that’s my cue to leave,” he said, and then walked away before Kurt could stop him.

Kurt turned and glared at Sebastian, who was looking at Kurt in a way that Kurt knew was meant to be flirty. “Sebastian … are you hitting on me?” Kurt hated when Sebastian flirted with him. It served as a painful reminder that Sebastian didn’t mean it and that Kurt was foolish enough to want him to.

“Possibly,” Sebastian said, trying to sound sexy but mostly sounding very drunk.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Is that really your best line? ‘You should take me home’?”

“It’s not usually that hard,” Sebastian replied, and then giggled to himself. “Well, actually, it’s usually pretty hard. That’s why it’s so easy.”

Kurt groaned. Great. He was trapped with Sebastian, who was so drunk that he was seriously trying to get Kurt to sleep with him, and now Sebastian was making incredibly obvious dirty jokes. “You’re easy. Honestly. I’m not taking you back to my apartment, Sebastian. You’re dressed as a giant dick.”

At this, Sebastian actually pouted. “You’re dressed as a giant dick.”

“I’m dressed as Captain von Trapp,” Kurt said, crossing his arms. Kurt looked great and he knew it. He didn’t care what drunk Sebastian had to say about it.

“Like I said. What’s your point?”

Kurt sighed and rested his forehead on the table in front of him. It probably wasn’t sanitary, but he was hard pressed to care at this point. “My point is that I’m not taking a giant inflatable penis back to my house. I have neighbors.”

“We could go to my place,” Sebastian said hopefully and laid a hand on Kurt’s shoulder.

Kurt shrugged the hand off. “I’m not sleeping with you tonight, Sebastian.”

“You never know. I’m awfully cute,” Sebastian said very seriously.

“I’m pretty sure no one has ever described you as cute before in all of recorded history.”

“Fine,” Sebastian said, sounding drunk and angry. “I’ll just take myself back to my house.”

“God damn it.” Kurt was going to have to babysit Sebastian. There was no way that he trusted the other boy to get back on his own, never mind to get back without picking up some random stranger that he wouldn’t be happy to see in the morning. “Sit right here, Sebastian. I have to get my coat and then I’ll take you home.”

* * *

Sebastian was several inches taller than Kurt, incredibly drunk, fairly handsy, and dressed as an inflatable penis. As it turned out, this combination made it really difficult to try to get him to bed. It didn’t help that Sebastian was keeping up a running dirty commentary.

Kurt ended up basically having to strip Sebastian down, much to Sebastian’s delight and Kurt’s annoyance. Apparently, no matter how ridiculous Sebastian was right now, stripping a hot guy that you happened to have a crush on was always going to be arousing.

It was four am by the time Kurt finally had Sebastian dressed in pajamas, washed up, and ready for bed. He’d have to find a cab to get home now; there was no way he’d be getting on the subway back to Bushwick at this time of night on Halloween.

Sebastian was apparently able to pick up on his confusion. “Just stay here, Kurt,” he said, his voice sleepy. “The bed’s really big.”

The bed was a queen, which actually did make it big enough for platonic sharing but didn’t qualify it as really big. “I told you. I’m not sleeping with you, Sebastian.”

“I’m too tired for sex. Just pull the stick out of your ass and get into bed.” Even drunk and nearly asleep, Sebastian retained his usual version of charm.

Kurt had to admit that nothing else made sense, and he really wasn’t interested in hurting his back by sleeping on the couch. He had a dance rehearsal late Saturday afternoon, and he was going to be tired enough without adding even more aches and pains. He wasn’t going to sleep in his Captain von Trapp costume, so he rooted around Sebastian’s drawers until he found another pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt.

He ended up falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

The next morning, Kurt was awoken by Sebastian’s voice. “Oh fuck!”

Kurt cracked open an eye to look at Sebastian who was sitting up in bed and looking at Kurt with surprise and alarm. “Go back to sleep, Sebastian,” he said and then closed his eyes again.

“Wake up, Kurt!” Sebastian said, a bit too loud. Kurt opened his eyes again just in time to see Sebastian wince at the sound of his own voice. Once he saw Kurt’s eyes were really open, he continued freaking out. “Shit. Did we really sleep together again? Shit.”

“We really need to discuss your alcohol consumption, Sebastian. Most people consider it an advantage to actually remember how they ended up in bed with a person.” Kurt decided to ignore Sebastian’s mention of the last time they slept together. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but Kurt was pretty sure it had been one of the catalysts for his current crush.

Sebastian was rambling at this point. “I cannot believe we did this! I promised myself that if we ever slept together again, it would mean something. I am such an idiot!”

Kurt decided it was time to put Sebastian out of his misery so he sat up, grabbed Sebastian’s shoulders and shook him slightly. This got Sebastian to stop talking and look at him. “Hello! Have you noticed that we’re not even naked?”

Sebastian looked between them and blushed, but seemed to relax.

“Okay?” Kurt said, and Sebastian nodded. “Let’s go back to sleep, please?”

Sebastian flopped back down onto the bed and said, “Can we forget that ever happened?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Sure.” Then he closed his eyes to try to fall asleep.

Instead of letting him drift off again, his brain started bouncing the last few minutes around. As the conversation replayed in his head, Kurt realized what Sebastian had actually said and sat up like a shot. “What do you mean ‘if we slept together again, it would mean something’?”

Sebastian closed his eyes as tightly as possible instead of looking at Kurt. “I thought you said we could forget that ever happened,” he said, nearly whining.

Kurt wasn’t going to let this one go, though. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be brave enough to ask again. “Sebastian, do you want it to mean something?”

The question hung in the air between them for a moment before Sebastian took a deep breath, as if he was preparing for battle. “Maybe?”

Coming from Sebastian, that maybe was as good as a yes. Kurt couldn’t say anything for a moment. He was too busy trying to stabilize himself. He felt like the whole world had just tilted on its axis. Sebastian Smythe, who was never serious about anything, wanted him to mean something. He wanted it enough to be upset at the possibility that they’d had sex, not because he was repulsed by Kurt, but because he didn’t want them to be casual.

Without meaning to, Kurt laughed, which only made Sebastian look grumpy. “Oh stop,” Kurt said with a smile and then shifted to his knees so he could lean over Sebastian.

Kurt reached out and cupped Sebastian’s cheek in his hand. Sebastian just looked shocked at first, but then brought his hand up to rest on top of Kurt’s. Kurt took this as permission and leaned in to kiss Sebastian. It was just the barest brush of lips and he pulled away before Sebastian even really had time to react and kiss him back. Kurt moved just far enough away that he could see Sebastian. “You are a ridiculous, giant penis wearing, emotionally incapable idiot, and I can’t believe I like you,” he said and then leaned in for another kiss.

This time, Sebastian reacted faster and sat up so he could press into the kiss. He ran his hand up Kurt’s back and into his hair, pulling Kurt even closer. Kurt felt a little dizzy at Sebastian’s reaction, but he definitely had no interest in slowing down. Instead, he shifted his weight so he could swing one leg over Sebastian and straddle the other boy’s legs. Sebastian gasped quietly at the change in position and dropped his hands to rest on Kurt’s hips, but he pulled away after a minute.

Sebastian’s eyes were a little glazed and he sounded a bit breathless when he spoke. “Wait, what are we doing?”

Kurt smiled and ran his thumb across Sebastian’s lower lip before answering. “Something that matters,” he said and kissed Sebastian again.

 


End file.
